and so we all know

lately ive been busy with exams and so much more on hand. everytime i wishes to jolt down something, i tend to throw it to the back of my head. But not today, because everything has pilled up, and i need to exhale it all. Of course, not to literally spell it all out, just a night to mark a day of self-reflection.

Today, i have looked back at the past few months, and embrace the stories that was weaved as part of my allegory. here i lay on my bed, collating trains of thoughts and emotions that run through every cell in my body, to keep them, and appreciate.

being able to sit down here and type it all down in the midst of my exams shows how much this entry means to me, i might take hours to gather everything in words that are able to express myself.

honestly speaking, im spacing out and drinking my soup now. if writing this blog entry is a 2hours exam, i will probably flung it with nothing to submit but a pure sheet of paper.

a pure sheet of paper that probably has millions of thoughts and feeling that hides underneath. Sometimes, it is just this hard to let the unspoken speak. i have difficulty expressing myself sometimes, to people i love, people whom i care for, and people that i dislike.

it isn't easy to speak up. Often, you'll end up misleading people or the way they perceives arent what you expect. And it will lead to giving more explanations and reasoning which we human tends to adjudge wrongly as an army of defense that builds up for self-defense. truth is, we all go through so much simply because we wish to be understood.

you know, speaking less is not a bad idea. this is a way to neutralize, and to compromise. it is often an action of giving love and giving in. it isn't hidden, but just an expression in a different form. i have my rough times over the past few months, and there were painful experiences that i will carry with me close.

time for some damage control, we'd say.

last paper is on the 8th Nov, my final, final last paper. it will probably mark my education for a moment before i decide on a Master. it's an amazing feeling, to look back and see how much a person can actually endure when being forced in a environment to adapt and make the best out of it. I have been working hard, and i will never stop working hard for what i want.

No matter how life gets, through troughs and peaks, we'll always try to be as amazing as we can be. even though at this very instant you dont find yourself amazing, look back after 5 years into life. then you'll find how amazing you actually were back then.

you're amazing, you know that?


jess.