a little patience for me?

your blog.. what wags? reading your blog always makes my heart feels heavy. even though i tried to cheer you up and make everything a little lighter, i just can't seem to get the message across to you. your blog saddens me, usually it'll give me cloudy skies. now, im having a thunderstorm. i did not restrict your life.. i never wanted to and i never have any intention to. I know, lost. who never felt this way before?

love doesn't conquer all. fuck, love really doesnt conquer all. I know we have both been committed to this relationship alot. so much that we're each other's world and nothing else. we don't care who the hell is still on earth, all it matters was. us. and it was wrong. and it was so fucking wrong. I realized its wrong during this period of time. that, we cannot survive just a mere us in the world. and that we need other humans, too.

i know you care. i know you fucking care so much. i know in my heart very well that you care, alot. but i cant help to feel tied down. i just couldnt control how i feel. i apologized for that, im sorry. im a disappointment some times, or, all the time? i know. i know i am.

i know, i know you wanna fix you. why arent you fixing yourself when im fixing me now? why can't we gather our life and pick things up slowly? so if i say,"alright, lets stop this and get back to where things were left.." will you feel better? you wont, because now you've realized that you've given up all for me.. and if ever this were to happen again, that some factors just jeopardizes our relationship again, this whole lost, fix me, will resurface again. and that is something that i'll never want to risk to have.

this is not healthy at all. love doesnt work this way. we can't continue when we know something has gone wrong. we can't. i can't.

we need to talk, let's be honest later.

and for the record, i wasnt unhappy about this relationship. so stop saying it, backspace, delete and trash this fucking thought. stop. it.

see you in 4 hours.

jess.