so yesterday i can't write anything.. stared so hard on the screen but all i got was.. blank. anyway, let me try again today. it 3.10, and im just done with my project. i've got blamed by this guy, lets just call him Y. wait, should i even take time off to write at all? no. im not. this is pure stupidity... see what im doing now? paradoxes.ive heard people calling me strange. pretty much i guess i am... very in fact. who the hell feels sad without a cause? sigh. but i can't help it. i need some escapade or someone to slap me awake. like... "jess! fucking wake up you moronic piece of human. have you got any idea how much is there for you to do and you just let yourself kill yourself?! crap you"
you know, i hate feelings. how i wish we all have none of it. i know, you must be thinking that im crazy. well.. thats just cause youre in love and youre in this cottoncandy world that feeling is the most wonderful thing in this world. i envy you sweetie, you're in fairytale.
i want to be in one too. but i cant bring myself to enter. its scary but sweet at the same time.. crap. i AM strange.
mayb that's why i give funny solutions to things. and mayb that's why i can't give rationale answers to questions.. and im bloody stubborn, so i dont like people to waver my thoughts. i am stranded.. oh god i feel nausea now. what a sudden realization.
stranded. alone. fuck. this is the scary sh*t.
but isnt that what i opted for when i end my relationship? see. there, another rubbish paradox.
so what the hell i want? ha ha. guess im still... lost.
okay nevermind, time to prep for work..
jess.
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