:'((((

this is getting out of hand. is quarreling the new love? 

he is always telling me how busy his work is and ya-das. but cmon. relationship doesnt come just one way. its a two way traffic. you tell me, this time round that i'm sick, are you sure you are 100% taking care of me? it aint mean you have to be with me round the clock. theres tons of ways to express it. 

there we have it. its 1250am. we just hung up phone calls. on the last day of the year, we blew the fuse. 

"i have work and i tried to call you when my boss is not around, i am so busy that i skipped my meals and there are so many pending work waiting for me. my boss is just five meters away from me and i can't pick up your call. i am super busy. why can't you understand that?"

are you still you? telling me this. you are telling me that im bugging you every second of your time? i only called you at most twice a day. or if i have urgent matters, we'll make it three. i sent less than 2 msges to you if u hadnt reply. and out of all these goddamn calls and msges, most of it was "remember your meals, hows your day, everything okay, dont be too stressed out, takecare, see you later, cant wait to see you, you're missed, hugs, love, careful.. OR have you happen to remember where i put my ... OR i'm sick OR crap, bad stuff happens to me and i just wanna share it with you.." 

yes, you busy. you have a life to get on with. and everytime you tell me how busy you are, i felt like some extras getting in your way. and honestly, i don't like it. i loathe the feeling. now, i'm feeling as sick as ever and i can't even bring myself to sleep because i just had the worst day of the year. 

just in case your new year's eve is boring and dull in camp, i stayed up late, together with my bro to figure out how to get those movie videos in to the ipod so you can watch. technology is never an easy thing for me to deal with. and while working out the format of the file, i was also sewing something for you. you know how much effort ive put in and since you know how much youve neglected me, so why can't you just subtract those hey-let-me-tell-u-how-busy-i-am reasons and divide those i-don't-have-the-time excuses because I SERIOUSLY FEEL LIKE SHIT NOW.

when things goes wrong, they never go right.

if it ever goes right, i really wonder, how long can it last?

i hate this.

jess.